[27 Dec 2006|01:58am] I never believed in sun glasses but maybe that's why I only go out at night. the world is so bright, it hurts sun metal glass glare the city bustles in the morning places to go, people to meet in a standstill, you could get knocked down I've been sleeping all day. I go to bed before dawn, and wake up after dark. I haven't seen sunlight in some time. post comment

[27 Dec 2006|01:51am] the cat runs to my bedroom door his bell jingling to a stop he waits my door is closed there's a faint smell of tuna rotting in a bowl beside my bed cups, dishes, eating utensils empty glasses and soda cans the winter is cold, but it's hot in here the light is on and it's burning I open the door a crack the cat likes to play with an empty wine bottle rolling on the floor post comment

[26 Jul 2005|10:54pm] So I was hanging out with Mike Kerr the other day. I mentioned Simeon, Mike doesn't know him but said he had heard of him. Apparently, Mike heard from someone, somewhere, that Simeon and I slept together. I never slept with Simeon. When Altair and I visited Sim in San Francisco earlier this summer, it came up that Altair thought that I had slept with Jeff Shrensel last summer. How disgusting! I NEVER slept with Jeff. Last summer I told Sim that I was opposed to sleeping with anyone I wasn't in a relationship with. Later, Simeon got pissed at me because someone told him that I was sleeping with Julien. I WAS NOT sleeping with Julien, nor have I ever. I just wanted to clear all of this up, along with any other rumor about me sleeping with anyone last summer. I may have kissed a lot of people last summer, but the only person I slept with was Johnny. 1 comment|post comment

[21 Jul 2005|01:07am] Your brain: 80% interpersonal, 120% visual, 40% verbal, and 160% mathematical! Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers. Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious: Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%. My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 53% on interpersonal You scored higher than 68% on visual You scored higher than 31% on verbal You scored higher than 75% on mathematical Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on OkCupid Free Online Dating post comment

[20 Jun 2005|12:49am] you know what's weird? friends who used to be single when you knew them. but then you come back and you feel like you have to act different now cuz they're taken. 1 comment|post comment

sunday [19 Jun 2005|02:37pm] Oh my god I cannot deal with my mother. She called me on my cell before she came here, and she was all sweet. She asked if you were still there, she asked how things went, then she asked if I was still in bed and told me to go back to sleep. But the moment she walked into the house she started yelling at me. "You can trash your own room but you can't trash the rest of the house. It's the middle of the day get up and put the couches back together." She had lured me into a fall sense of security with her phone call. "Why didn't he help you put the couches back together before he left?!" Then once I fixed the couches, she yelled at me about how the kitchen was a mess, and why didn't I clean up after myself. I've learned that it's useless to argue with her, so I didn't point out that I DID do a lot of cleaning. I fucking cooked dinner, and cleaned several pots and pans, dishes, bowls, etc. But no. She gets upset about bread being on the counter, when that was there even before she left! So I clean up some more. Then I think I'm done so I sit back down, but she yells at me again to come HELP her. Help her with what?! Unpacking groceries. Well that's not something that I should be yelled at about, plus I've unpacked several loads of groceries in the past week with her sitting on her ass playing computer games in the next room. She's just so oblivious to anything that I do, and yells at me about the small things that I might forget.... What makes it so bad is that I was still laying in "bed," (which she didn't seem opposed to on the phone), I didn't need to be woken into the world by a mega-bitch's ranting. post comment

[14 May 2005|04:06am] oh my god that was so scary. i accidently got lucifer's tail shut in the bathroom door. he screamed! oh my god! so loud and piercing espically for this time in the night... i mean early morning. oh my god. i'm so scared, he was standing there looking at me, i wasn't sure if he was afraid or if he was plotting to destroy me. do you think that he hates me now? oh no i feel so bad. and now I'm afraid that he's going to scratch my eyes out. i came into my room and closed the door, do you think he may think that that's a sign of more evil on my part? should i open the door so he knows i didn't mean it and that i'm sorry? ahhh that was so startling. post comment

[14 May 2005|03:20am] I was just thinking about what happened to Matt about a month ago. How he had some sort of seizure while he and I were alone on campus. It was so scary. We had stayed up all night, and were taking a nap in the grass. I woke up, and tried to wake him to suggest we leave. He looked at me kind of blankly, then he started looking around him really quickly and breathing really heavily as if he didn't know where he was. I tried to ask him if he was okay, but he seemed not to recognize me, and he couldn't form any words. He's a diabetic, so I wondered if he needed sugar or anything, I asked but all he could do was mumble. Then he laid down and started convulsing. I freaked out, I didn't know what to do. I stood up, I didn't know what to do. I finally realized that I should call someone. I dialed 911 and told them my friend was having some sort of seizure and that he was diabetic, and they called the paramedics for me. The weird thing is that when they got there and took his blood sugar level, it was 60, which is on the low side but not dangerously low, according to Matt. What happened to him? Was it because he hadn't slept much for a while? Was it because he was disoriented from waking up? Dehydrated from drinking the night before? In combination with low blood sugar? It was so frightening, I was so panicked, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle such responsibility. I thought he was going to die. I was thinking about this tonight, just a fleeting thought, a memory of something that happened this year, but it made me remember other similar situations. I remember Emily in sophomore year of high school having a seizure-like reaction to her medication on the floor of the girls bathroom, with only me there with her. I don't remember how she calmed down, but she did enough for me to bring her to the nurse. I remember the summer after Junior year of high school at a college summer program when this girl had a panic attack, her hands clenched up and she was having difficulty breathing. Everyone shouldn't have been crowding around her. They got the paramedics, and she went to the hospital. Everyone shouldn't have been crowding around her. I remember last year when Cassie freaked out at my house. When she saw things, when something was talking to her, telling her her father was dead. I didn't know what to do, I just sat there, and she said she needed to go home. It's so scary to watch people going through situations like that, fighting demons that we can't see. Human life is so fragile, and the human mind is so complicated. post comment

[27 Jan 2005|12:22am] So I was drawing. Drawing. drawing. drawing. drawing. NAKED MAN!! NAKED MAN!!! NUDITY!!! Gesture, quick, line, lines, line, moving always changing line gesture, quick, quick, QUICK!! FASTER!! FASTER!! *collapse* into a heap of heat and headache, pouts and moans. Charcoal filth in dimples and folds.... drawing, drawing, I was drawing, so I drew. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Jan 2005|01:10am] I was just watching tv, and there was a movie on "the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood." I know it's a chick flick, but I was watching it and it felt good. One scene, this woman walked out of her house, pawned a ring for some cash, drove to the beach and stayed in a hotel for a couple days just to get away from her family. It was kind of bad for her to leave her family, but it looked so good to lay in a hotel room, away from everything, in a clean new place. I'm going to do that, not now I guess because I'd feel really guilty about leaving my schoolwork, but I'm going to do that in the spring. I'm going to go home, get my car, make sure I have some money on my charge card, and just drive somewhere, to some hotel where nobody knows me and nobody's asking anything of me. post comment

[20 Sep 2004|10:35am] Carnegie Mellon University SMC 2779 5032 Forbes Avenue Pittsburgh, PA 15289 post comment

[21 Aug 2004|03:13pm] you are sick. you make me so sick. you are a lying, manipulative, bitch. i hope that things catch up with you in the future. 5 comments|post comment

[16 Aug 2004|07:53pm] lol. i went to saunder's today to say hi to sim. he told me i just missed cordero, ralph, michelle, and jake. it was hilarious though while i was there chilling with sim, julien came in. he was walking down an isle, and when he saw me at the end of the isle, he turned around and went down another isle. it was hilarious. me and sim were cracking up. lol. 1 comment|post comment

[15 Aug 2004|06:47pm] we buried my mice today we buried them under two day lilies one day lily for each mouse post comment

[12 Aug 2004|10:06am] FUCK!!!! MY PANTS JUST RIPPED A LOT GRRRRRRRR!!!! GOD DAMNIT post comment

[10 Aug 2004|11:10am] they punched holes in my arms and then stole my soul through tubes post comment

[09 Aug 2004|11:43pm] You know, you are such a bitch. You pretend like it's MY fault shit is being said about me. You say, oh if I don't want my shit to be known I shouldn't talk about it. You missed one key point, it isn't my shit I'm pissed about, it's BULLshit. Bullshit that didn't come from my mouth, that didn't come from his mouth, it's bullshit that isn't true and could only have been assumed or conjured up along the way from YOUR mouth to your three little puppy dogs. That is why I'm pissed. You always do shit like this to people. It's sick. You're sick. 2 comments|post comment

[09 Aug 2004|04:15am] shit gets said. i dont care. nobody needs to apologize. 1 comment|post comment

[09 Aug 2004|04:11am] Well I hope you're happy. He told me he couldn't deal with this shit. This is why he never hooked up with girls in montclair, because everyone talks, and things get assumed, exaggerated, and spread like wildfire. He said "this isn't working." Whatever. We were only hooking up. Besides I'll be going to Pittsburgh in two weeks and I won't see him again anyway. It doesn't matter. I didn't even think I cared, maybe I don't. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. So I guess I'm not supposed to see him anymore. Oh well. Surprisingly, I feel fine. Numb. Detached... Like always. post comment

[09 Aug 2004|02:10am] This is ridiculous. You people are ridiculous. To think I was upset about leaving this place. No more. It's over. I'm done with all of this bullshit. 3 comments|post comment

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